Saturday, March 15, 2008

Sololiquy

The blame is on me, I know. And I take every possible punishment and action from your lips for I have wronged you and betrayed you.

I hate those words, especially being used on me. But, it's the truth, I know.

What I just want you to know is, I used to love you - LOTS, then.

When we rekindled our relationship, frankly I have to admit, the love that I once felt for you has gone. I still love you, but not as much as then.

No one could compare the love that I felt for you, back then. A sincere, untarnished, unconditional and simply pure love from a small town boy for a man he barely knew but loved. It was the love that you took for granted.

You can't simply say sorry and make things go away. You just can't. It's a fact of life. I love you and I tried every possible way to close my senses and just to love you.

I succeed at the attempt but I just can't bring back the love. The cut still hurts and everytime I think I'm loving you more, you just cut it off. You belittled me, mocked me and so stiff with your 'principles' that you chose to become my boss than my boyfriend.

I accepted those but you forgotten that I am a 21-years-old human, so fragile after catastrophic events that stumbled in my way one after the other, above all. I need to be loved, to be guided, to be shown that you loved me.

Money is not the way, dear. I had enough of those from you. I want simple boyfriend that loves me and makes me feel as if I am the most cherished person on this planet.

However you did make me feel that way - for a couple of weeks, before it withered again and faded.

What's left of me is a fragile heart that longs for affection, care and on top of it, SUPPORT. I need those things.

I'm tired of being asked to follow your rules, your likes, your dislikes when you yourself didn't listen any to mine. Love is a 2-way relationship and you have to give in order to receive.

To say that I didn't love you and chose another person as your replacement, would be a complete false. I understand the sacrifices you made for me but that's about it, I guess. You have to learn to appreciate me better rather than being obsessed with yourself. I need you to listen to me, to my needs - that's all.

Any decision made by you will be obligated fully by me. No matter what I say, everything is immaterial to you, right? Whatever it is, I have stated half of what I should have said. I have done wrong and deserve any action from you.

March 14, 2008

3 comments:

zhenhui said...

man u stay strong man...
i think people who blame and try to control others are actually trying to hide their own imperfections...
i think he is directing u around because he can't do things right himself...
i don't know for sure what happened..
u probably should keep it private anyway...
but anyways i know u're strong and wise enough by now khai.
i know u'll pull through :)

syyeam said...

khai..
it's too typical for people to act like this..
they might not even realised they are wrong..

Sakina said...

this is y i lurve reading ur blog!!! u state msgs so clear, simple yet meaningful!! well just wantd to say this.. if therez anythng i just wantya 2 knw will alwiz b there 4ya my fren!! 4 betta or 4 worst!!! inshaallah* :D