Tuesday, September 16, 2014

"Breathe Out Hate, Breathe In Love"

Hate is such a powerful word. 

The disdain for something or someone usually starts with a mild 'dislike'. You dislike this and that but it is still tolerable. Then it develops into 'despise'. You are clear of your aversion toward something or someone but it is still very much in control.

Finally, here comes 'hate'. The big sister of the three - the badass of them all. 

Hate means to know that you don't like something or someone, and to have a very strong feeling about it. Most often than not, it is made known publicly. For example, you hate a particular person and you make everyone knows (including that poor person) of your feeling toward them.

It is normal to hate something or someone you barely know. First impressions can be deceiving and lead you to that God-awful sentiment. Basically you're gathering information just from your observations and what you learn from others, and made a simple conclusion that you hate this/that or him/her. Simple. 

In short, you hate what you don't know.

However, is it possible to hate someone or something you've already fallen head-over-heels with, especially with a person? To know, to love and then to hate that person?

We often hear how relationships turn sour and the best of couples can be arch-nemesis to one another. As they say, friends make the worst enemy because they know inside out of your life and can use it against you. Same goes for partners/husband-and-wife.

But, if we really love someone and claim to have known them really, really well ('We've known each other for 10 years!', 'She was my best friend for 20 years!') then why would they turn their back on us and pave the way from love to hate?

The answer is simple: we never fully know someone and will never do

I'm a firm believer that learning is a life-long process and that applies to learning the people around us as well. People don't stay the same for oh-so-long - they change. That's what humans do. We adapt to changes, to aging, to surrounding, to technology, to improvements/degradation.

How many times have things like this crossed our mind: 'I didn't even like this when I was studying!' or 'I used to go crazy over chicken rice but now I prefer western food'

Even we, ourselves, change. What makes us think that the people around us will stay the same?

I always say relationship is a two-way street. It requires work from both sides. Doesn't matter if you're talking about romantic or casual relationship, if only one side is doing all the work, frustration starts to boil and hate creeps in. 

Actually it starts with dislike, then despise and finally hate - in that order.

To all of us who always wonder, why would someone who used to love now hate us? The answer might be in our own two hands. 

Maybe we're not playing our part. 
Maybe we're not paying more attention. 
Maybe we're too complacent and lazy to work things out. 
Maybe we simply don't care and think things will take a turn for the better by themselves.

There are reasons why the ones who used to talk so softly to you, now screaming and nagging all the time. There are reasons too why those who couldn't stop talking and giggling with you, now prefer to be left alone and quiet. 

The reasons are in the maybe's

Until we've have gone through all the maybe's, don't be too quick to put the blame on others and preach to them to 'breathe out hate and breathe in love'.

The world doesn't need another pair of enemies. Let's fix where we go wrong and avoid that 'dislike' from escalating to 'hate'.

I hate 'hate'.

Instagram: @kby87

Thursday, September 4, 2014

In Trust We...Trust?

A wise man once said (okay, it was Lady Gaga who actually said it):

"Trust is like a mirror. You can fix it if it's broken but you can still see crack in that motherfucker's reflection."

When someone you deeply cared about (a family member, a friend, your significant other) have gained your trust and sadly, decided to go astray and misused the trust you have placed in him/her for whatever reason he/she might have ("I didn't know what I was thinking", "I swear that was the only time!", "It wasn't like that at all, I swear!"), let's be frank, you would never forget about it.

True, out of sympathy, you might forgive the wrongdoer after you have simmer down and got over the fact that they have done what they did. But honestly, you would never forget the hurt, the humiliation, the violation of the trust and how things would never go back to how it used to be.

Trust is NOT like putting together again a crumbling Lego house that your great aunt accidentally knocked over because she had cataract and couldn't see.

Once violated, the second chance you might give to the person who did you wrong will always come at a price. The second (or third or fourth) time around, the trust is no longer gained but simply given out of false optimism.

I personally feel that second chance is worth giving but it does not worth anything.

Over time, the wrong-doer will feel complacent with what they have and with how things have gone back to normal. Thus, the tendency to neglect, abuse and subsequently violate the trust is very high. Most importantly, we - the ones wronged - will incessantly feel vulnerable, fragile and threaten.

Yup, threaten.

The fear of being wronged again, being put in the dark and not knowing that that same person is scheming another round of mischief while whispering sweet things into your ears.....allegedly.

So, what to do if you have been guilty of taking that first, second, third chances for granted?

Nothing much you can do, really.

The only way to do is to ask for forgiveness and do anything within your power to prove that you are indeed trying to make things right. Over time, those who appreciate your effort will see it - provided that you do ALL the things within your power, if you're really serious about making it right.

Do understand him/her if he/she finds it hard to believe you at times. That poor person was lied to and neglected while you did what you did - how else would you expect them to react?

Oh, please spare the 'I'm-hurt-too-like-you' lines because nobody is hurt or affected more than the one you did wrong. So avoid using the pity card like you're the victim. Instead, take the high road - admit all the wrong things you did, seek for forgiveness and show that you're trying to make amend.

After all, talk is cheap. Action, on the other hand, always speaks louder than words.


Instagram: @kby87