As true as the saying goes, it's easier said than done. Pin-point this and that. Talk about so and so. The same things resonates day after day, year after year.
Above all of the things that you asked me, let me hand you just a question - would I wanted to hand over my life just to be destroyed if I knew what was becoming of me?
You told me how I had changed. Yes, from that small town boy to this (I quote) "unknown man". Yes, you told me you prefer me way back then than what I am right now, plus all of the issues and diseases I carry around with me.
But how come you didn't say it to me when I was still a "good boy"? Why didn't you hinder me from all the negativity if you truly care about me? To top it off, there has been only you in my life since nearly 6 years ago.
So, what's stopping you?
If I could see it coming, I wouldn't need any of your help, dear. I would be glad to vanquish all of the elements before it creeps up my back. But I didn't because I knew nothing and no one had told me.
I'm not telling you that this is your fault. I'm telling this because that's what I meant by "the existing gap" in our life. Yes, we seemed happy because we only allow ourselves to please each other, not to BE each other. So, to say that this gap exists because (I quote again) I "love too many people" was a distortion.
Yes, I may have played around, commit betrayal and do all the things that you gladly mentioned, and it was wrong technically because I was still yours. But in a way, I'm glad I did what I did because somehow it managed to divert your attention to me again. But what I did was absolutely wrong and I am ashamed and apologized for that part.
I have some other points here to say but it doesn't matter. Because one, I am bad at managing my talk and two, you probably won't be interested in hearing it. You are much into what you believe than what I say, right. It has been this way all these years.
That's another reason for the gap. Oh, well..