Wednesday, December 31, 2008

For Auld Lang Syne

Here I am, in this dark room on the last afternoon of 2008.

Alone but not lonely, all silent yet still loud.

Things have passed, people died, changes made. And now the time is up. Moving on to year 2009.

Thanks to the early wishers, be it new year or birthday, Ayi, Ann Jie and Fifi. Not forgetting Zafirah and Fa who really wanna cheer me up and made celebration plans for the eve.

Still, I couldn't afford to move a muscle to smile. Lots of things lingering around.

Most importantly, the same old question resonates in my head:

"Why can't the people whom I wanted so badly to be happy for me, be happy for me?"

I'm not sure if it's even grammatically correct to put it that way but I know you're with me. You got the idea.

Why can't you accept your son is finally doing something that he likes and get over it?

Life isn't always about what you wanted, what you planned to be. Yes, I chose not to be stuck in dentistry because at the end of the day, it's me who'll be telling my children "I never liked my job, I did it because your grandparents asked me so."

And now, I'm finally in the place where I belong. I love what I'm studying now, I'm able to explore new horizons, expand my creativity, express myself and who I really am inside out. I'm happy, contented, blessed and grateful for each day that I have now.

Why can't you see that? Why can't you be happy for me? Why can't you support me? Rather than always picking on me, why can't you just be quiet if you can't be happy or support me?

I can never understand why you're treating me like a black sheep, treating me like I'm absolutely capable to take care of myself financially and physically like the rest of your children. I'm a student, if you haven't notice though I'm no longer a dentistry student.

Why can't two parents, one brother and one sister, all grown up have some mercy and take care after me? Why don't anyone even bother to ask what's been going on with my life?

Do you really think my life is perfect?

Do you really think I am perfectly fine? Perfectly happy? Perfectly HEALTHY?

You have no idea what's been going on with me and you'll be sorry when the time comes. By then, it'd be all too little, too late.

Still, whom I didn't expect, came and extended their birthday wishes to me. Along with heartfelt prayers and words of encouragement.

"Happy 22nd birthday!" They said.

Happy?

More like a hollow one. Always have, always will.

1 comment:

Palister said...

heii, chill out bro.. the only problem with most of people in Malaysia is they want people to be like them, to pursue their dream..and it is for real that parent always want the best for their son/kid, and for most of them the best choice is their choice. unlike country that have "revolution" in their history, our people tend to stick to conventional thinking, be a doctor or engineer to have a good life..frankly speaking, it can support your family, but if you hate and can't compromise with it, it become your living hell!! heheh.. One thing for sure little brother, we always be with you..your life is your choice..I have a tons of friend who don't even have SPM but now driving Beemer and Merc, because they pursue their dream (including those who sell drugs and take bribe!! heheh)..

for me, I simply decide that CAREER is something that you do for MONEY, and nobody love CAREER, the just want the MONEY... like I did.