Days of Delirium

When I was studying for my Bachelor of Economics in University Malaya back in 2007, most of my professors were old-timers who were excellent in their respective field of expertise. They were the G.O.A.T y’all!   One of them was Professor Yew or simply Madam Yew, as she’d like the students to call her. Madam Yew was one of the few professors who have etched a mark in my life, both professionally and personally. She taught me Macroeconomics and Malaysian Economy. One of the striking things about her is how shed like us, the students, to address herself. Unlike other professors, she simply wanted to be called as Madam Yew. Not Professor Yew, or Dr Yew - just Madam Yew.   And just by that, my respect for her quadruple in an instant. Her humility couldn’t veil the vast accolades, achievements and knowledge she’d harboured after decades being in the field. Anyway, I’m not going to talk about her but one significant lesson she had taught me outside of the lectu...

January 2nd, 2017. Kuala Lumpur Sentral Station. For every 1987 babies out there, this is the year you turn 30 years old. As for me, I've had my fair share two days ago - on January 1st, 2017. I never thought I'd mouth these words but here they are: I am thirty years old. There were times when I thought, for some weird reasons, I'd never see myself in the big three zero. When I was younger, thirty used to mean a breaking point where everything has settled down - you're happy, financially-stable, having the 'life' you're destined to live for the rest of your life. Basically, I thought by the time I reach 30, I'd have everything figured out. Three days in, 30 still feels normal to me. Nothing has changed much. I don't feel significantly older (aside from the random times I checked on my ID card).  So far, 30 feels normal .  Of course, if I were to look back, I'm nowhere nearby the life I thought I'd have by the time...

Hate is such a powerful word.  The disdain for something or someone usually starts with a mild ' dislike '. You dislike this and that but it is still tolerable. Then it develops into ' despise '. You are clear of your aversion toward something or someone but it is still very much in control. Finally, here comes ' hate '. The big sister of the three - the badass of them all.  Hate means to know that you don't like something or someone, and to have a very strong feeling about it. Most often than not, it is made known publicly. For example, you hate a particular person and you make everyone knows (including that poor person) of your feeling toward them. It is normal to hate something or someone you barely know. First impressions can be deceiving and lead you to that God-awful sentiment. Basically you're gathering information just from your observations and what you learn from others, and made a simple conclusion that you hate this/that...

A wise man once said (okay, it was Lady Gaga who actually said it): "Trust is like a mirror. You can fix it if it's broken but you can still see crack in that motherfucker's reflection." When someone you deeply cared about (a family member, a friend, your significant other) have gained your trust and sadly, decided to go astray and misused the trust you have placed in him/her for whatever reason he/she might have ("I didn't know what I was thinking", "I swear that was the only time!", "It wasn't like that at all, I swear!") , let's be frank, you would never forget about it. True, out of sympathy, you might forgive the wrongdoer after you have simmer down and got over the fact that they have done what they did. But honestly, you would never forget the hurt, the humiliation, the violation of the trust and how things would never go back to how it used to be. Trust is NOT like putting together again a crumbl...

The day was Sunday It was so bright yet so grey You came into the room like a stranger With wild eyes, it lingered You opened your mouth and spoke So softly as if you'd choke Then came the news so grim You're leaving me, not him The morning it happened You look casually dampened Your loveless glare Made me truly aware Like a dry, withering clove I have lost your love Your touch was stiff Your mind was adrift Your senses were absent And my heart was in fragments Seven years, wasted Seven years, annihilated I would never forget The day your love went away Like a painful, losing bet This day will always stay -K 19 August 2014 Bangkok juicyword@gmail.com Instagram: @kby87

This is why Lisa Vanderpump rocks. juicyword@gmail.com Twitter: @kyeberry

What do you do when you hit that bottom part of your life - thus far?  Do you console yourself with some retail therapy and hope your new material possessions will make things OK? Do you do the Shila Amzah style - grab a guitar, sing a sad song whilst crying and put it on YouTube, because that's what * ehem * matured people would do? Or you simply shake it off and be adamant that this rough patch will eventually pass by? Of course one can argue that everyone handles things differently. Same goes to you and me. Nobody can say how one person cope with his hard time is not right as everybody has their own way of channeling that I-feel-like-shit feeling.  Except that Shila Amzah way again. That's just plain wrong, immature, desperate and shameless.   Anyway... What matters most is the company you keep close to in these hard times. The people you surround yourself with should be the ones that can make you forget your issues and at the same time work with ...

Mom's not loving it but I thought I look okay. juicyword@gmail.com Twitter: @kyeberry

Something nasty happened to this blog and everything went haywire. Layout went crazy, photos went missing so I had no choice but to private this blog for a good two months until I managed to slowly rebuild it again from scratch - literally . I believe everything happens for a reason and so is the case for this blog. I changed the layout to its new Maison Martin Margiela-minimalist style, took out all the ad spaces and made the photos a little more interesting, personal and telling. I hope you like this new Days of Delirium as much as I do, if not more. I'm still working on the rest of the posts - retracing their photos and rearranging the layouts. As of now, I can only do thus much to this 5-year-old blog while being as efficient as I possibly can. I'd fix the rest of the posts as soon as I can - one thing at a time. Though my life is wide opened through Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, DoD is me being completely naked. It is where I documented almost all of my l...

I'm happy to acknowledge that I have always been a beach bum. I'm a sucker for beaches, islands or anywhere that brings me near to the sea.  Thus, it felt really good to be back in Cherating few weeks back to celebrate Ayi's birthday while spending some time with nature while hearing waves gently pounding the beach. Just writing that down still makes me smile.  After three years, I returned to Impiana Resort, Cherating and spend days and nights surrounded by lush greenery and its beautiful beach. Aside from turtle-watching at the nearby Turtle Sanctuary, we didn't leave the hotel at all. I was more than happy to be sitting by the beach and admiring the splendour around me.  That certainly made up for the three-hour drive from KL. All is forgiven and forgotten when I arrived. Next stop: Karambunai and Langkawi in the future, insyaAllah. juicyword@gmail.com Twitter: @kyeberry

After what seemed like 20,000 light years, I finally graduated, officially.  Frankly speaking, it felt mighty good to wear that indigo robe with silver lapel and being surrounded by my loved ones. It would be even better had my 'bontots' joined me in Dewan Tunku Canselor, UM that day (good God, I miss you guys).  I even received a huge casablanca bouquet from Ayi and Mie. They certainly knew my favorite flower (thanks guys). I won't detail on what went down that day - it was the same old routine every graduates had to undergo for convocation. But I would tell how important that day was to me. It marked a milestone in my life - all the way from there to here, with all challenges, sadness, difficulties, downsides and painful times which I had never fully disclosed nor confided to anyone.  Each step I took toward that scroll reminded me my journey since 4-5 years ago - for that one scroll. God knows how painful it was but I guess up to this point, I'd ...

    Alright, this was done at 2 in the morning and please pardon my appearance and my kookiness. I only did this because I liked the song, I was feeling like singing to it and recording myself doing so that early morning. I love this song and yeah, I love it! Oh yeah, just a few disclaimers: #1: I can't sing and I can't rap. I don't expect a recording deal from this video. #2: Please ignore my greasy face. juicyword@gmail.com Twitter: @kyeberry

Six months passed by so quickly and we had ended our training course under FSTEP on 26th August 2011, before having our one-week break and dispersing to our respective sponsoring financial institutions.  Although it was really dreadful in the beginning, the rest of the journey was an enjoyable one as we became one big family of 110 individuals. Needless to say, some of them - six, to be accurate - have become a large part of my life and I'm proud to call them as my close friends. So, a big thank you to all of you and particularly Zetty, Ekin, Didi, Min, Kila and Iqa. You guys made my days in FSTEP beyond pleasant and many thanks for all of your help and support. Happy to say, I've made a mark in FSTEP before I left the building - in fact, two marks. One with the article I wrote for FSTEP newsletter and another, err, the scar which I still have when I ate the floor in the auditorium. Both are here to stay with me as mementos of my being there. Here's hoping we...

Dear buddy, It was a real pleasure to meet you earlier tonight - as always. It remind me of how blessed I am to have such a great person like you as a close friend. After we have split the bills and bid adieu, I still thought about you and what we had discussed in the cafe (in between our silly jokes). Naturally, I will say that I totally understand what you are going through right now while comforting you. But, I know no matter how much you share with me or how long we talk, I would never fully grasp your predicament. However, as a concern friend, I can only offer some advice and comforting words based on my own experience. I have had the ' privilege ' (if you may) of going through so many ups and downs thus far in my life. Hence, what I am about to say doesn't come from a self-help book but directly from my own self. Who's better to give you some suggestions from the one who had been there and back? Honestly, I have the utmost respect for your brilliance although I ra...

I've been battling dry skin for YEARS since I was a kid. It's something I blamed my mom/dad/both for since both my brother and sister face the same problem, although not as severe as me. Thus, it must be in the genes - I knew it . I've been applying all kinds of lotions and whatnots to prevent my skin from scaling (yes, it is that bad) and my lips from cracking. Since I can't afford La Mer like Angelina Jolie, I use Vaseline for my lips and it has been working so far for 10 years (since 1 was 14). Then comes the hardest part. No single product seems be able to retain my skin's moisture except for * drumroll * this! L'Occitane Delightful Cream. Oh man, I really, really love this one. It's made of honey and lemon with a small dose of rosemary and sunflower oil. The result is this wonderful and yes, delightful cream that successfully mends my dryness (for now). You should've seen my feet and my arms in an air-conditioned room (or maybe you shouldn't). M...

There are only three weeks to go before I turn 24 years young. Somehow, this time around, December doesn't promise relax and laid-back atmosphere as previous years. My favorite month so far has been tainted with some unpleasant things, causing the road leading to my 24th birthday rather bumpy. However, there's a silver lining to everything no matter how terrible the situation might look. Although I hate the idea of getting older as much as Cher loathes it, I finally realized that each new year does gets better. If not more, I become a little wiser with each passing year. I finally learned the most noble act one could ever foster - forgiveness . No matter how hard you try to understand them, there will always be some selfish, ignorant, ungrateful and obnoxious people around, trying to push you to the edge. Often in my case, it would result in bitterness, anger, frustration and ultimately, feeling sad on how such terrible things could happen and how such equally-terrible people c...

If Days of Delirium were a diary sitting on my already dust-ridden shelf, it would definitely be entangled with cobwebs and whatnots due to the long abstinence. My mind was boggling with the many things I wished to share here but I couldn't seem to drag fingers to run onto this keyboard. Whether you have missed me or not, I am back again. Yay? My blog wouldn't be completed without some rants every now and then, would it? So here I am again to deliver my thoughts across and tell me what you feel about this. I don't have many friends but some of the 'non-friends' consider me as their friend (isn't it weird?). The reason why I don't really acknowledged them as friends because - well - they whine too much. Yep. They kept on whining and whining and whining every single day and I can't stand whiners. Then again, maybe not everyday but most of the days. They just have things they would love to whine. They whine about loneliness. They whine about how ugly they a...

During this long weekend of Merdeka, I finally got a chance to tidy up my study-cum-closet room. Being a well-known neat freak, I thought everything should be in its correct place and the loves of my life - my shoes - should deserve their special place. Off my hommie and I went to Ikea in search for the most suitable shelf to make this minor room transformation a success. Initially, we decided to go for the Kilby bookshelf (as normal shoe rack couldn't accommodate all of my sneakers) which cost RM149. Then, we decided to go for this Laiva bookshelves instead (the tall one in the picture) which cost RM75 each. We bought two of this and connect both with Laiva connecting shelf (RM20). In between the two, we put Laiva table (RM40). Tadaa, the early shot. Many sneakers are still left un-boxed yet. Oh, that's Mr Aboy inspecting the red cube box. It took us only an hour and a half to put everything together and I sure am proud of its result, though this room (and the rest of the hous...

August 1 is my parents' anniversary. As of this year, they have been married for thirty-fucking-seven years and I have no idea how they remained together for that long. They tied the knot when they were both nineteen years old. Again, I have no clue how people could remain being married for such a long time or for that matter, to be married at the first place. I see no imminent prospect of me jumping on that marriage bandwagon in this near future. Unless, on one fateful day, God point out to me and say 'Thou shalt get married'. That one, I can't contest. I've expressed my lack of intention for marriage to my mom on several occasions but she never seemed to get it. I'm happy for anyone who chose the married life than the single life but I never seemed to fully grasp the very significance of it just yet. I'm not one of those people who see marriage as the final path for the ultimate happiness in life. Screw that. If I want to be happy, I'll be happy - not ...