Thursday, September 4, 2014

In Trust We...Trust?

A wise man once said (okay, it was Lady Gaga who actually said it):

"Trust is like a mirror. You can fix it if it's broken but you can still see crack in that motherfucker's reflection."

When someone you deeply cared about (a family member, a friend, your significant other) have gained your trust and sadly, decided to go astray and misused the trust you have placed in him/her for whatever reason he/she might have ("I didn't know what I was thinking", "I swear that was the only time!", "It wasn't like that at all, I swear!"), let's be frank, you would never forget about it.

True, out of sympathy, you might forgive the wrongdoer after you have simmer down and got over the fact that they have done what they did. But honestly, you would never forget the hurt, the humiliation, the violation of the trust and how things would never go back to how it used to be.

Trust is NOT like putting together again a crumbling Lego house that your great aunt accidentally knocked over because she had cataract and couldn't see.

Once violated, the second chance you might give to the person who did you wrong will always come at a price. The second (or third or fourth) time around, the trust is no longer gained but simply given out of false optimism.

I personally feel that second chance is worth giving but it does not worth anything.

Over time, the wrong-doer will feel complacent with what they have and with how things have gone back to normal. Thus, the tendency to neglect, abuse and subsequently violate the trust is very high. Most importantly, we - the ones wronged - will incessantly feel vulnerable, fragile and threaten.

Yup, threaten.

The fear of being wronged again, being put in the dark and not knowing that that same person is scheming another round of mischief while whispering sweet things into your ears.....allegedly.

So, what to do if you have been guilty of taking that first, second, third chances for granted?

Nothing much you can do, really.

The only way to do is to ask for forgiveness and do anything within your power to prove that you are indeed trying to make things right. Over time, those who appreciate your effort will see it - provided that you do ALL the things within your power, if you're really serious about making it right.

Do understand him/her if he/she finds it hard to believe you at times. That poor person was lied to and neglected while you did what you did - how else would you expect them to react?

Oh, please spare the 'I'm-hurt-too-like-you' lines because nobody is hurt or affected more than the one you did wrong. So avoid using the pity card like you're the victim. Instead, take the high road - admit all the wrong things you did, seek for forgiveness and show that you're trying to make amend.

After all, talk is cheap. Action, on the other hand, always speaks louder than words.

Instagram: @kby87

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